Chelsea: A Summer, well, spent...

Almost a year to the day since I penned a piece about Chelsea’s pre-season titled A Summer Well Spent I hear the news that Chelsea have developed some sort of an interest (it simply cannot be a footbally one) in Tottenham’s Danny Rose.

Obviously you all remember my groundbreaking piece last August; a literate year zero that changed the footballing landscapes forever. Football historians now discuss the beautiful game very much as pre and post A Summer Well Spent. No? Well it began thusly –

“Just like all good things, football seasons come to an end, but like all great things, they return again a few months later, and like all even better things there’s a World Cup in between and your club sign Diego Costa and Cesc Fabregas.”

This time last year I was still picking my jaw up from the floor due to a level of brutal efficiency that meant even Nazi Germany hosted a Olympics and swooning over Cesc looking Cescy in blue. Whereas this year I’ve been subject to eleven New York Red Bull “trialists” making Chelsea look so bad that José Mourinho thought Victor Moses was as biblical as his surname, waved goodbye to the children as they disappear off to Holland for another year at boarding school and actually written the name Danny Rose in an article about Chelsea’s summer interests.

Source: chelseafc.com

But, it’s not all bad. Chelsea fans have become a custom to summer splurges. And to be perfectly honest, the squad assembled last year has longevity, which is a word I’ve literally never before heard used in reference to Chelsea. Pre-season has managed to be both completely useless and fairly productive, which is what pre-season should be; a couple of old enemies were dispatched on penalties, the squad seems happy and John Terry met some Chinese people. Excellent.

It’s also good to see all the players are still wearing the obligatory branded, massive headphones which come as part of the uniform for any footballer travelling via a plane/bus; meaning all their crap hip-hop has as good a chance as any music of sounding tinny and overpriced.

Working our way towards the point of all these words on a screen, we’re going to look at the ups and down of how Chelsea’s summer has been, well, spent.

A big positive for me is the kit. Firstly, how it looks – bringing back popper buttons is an excellent move. A return to round neck is also something to be appreciated and something which I will come onto shortly. But the biggest plus in reference to our new kit directs all credit towards those at Adidas’ PR, well those who worked on Chelsea’s kit promotion, anyway. Presenting the players with magic powers, super human strength and the outfit changing technique of Clark Kent was much, much less embarrassing than Manchester United’s weird trident-mirror-smash thing. While we’re on the subject of the red half of Manchester we’ll return to Chelsea’s brilliant round neck, which allows them to create an inoffensive version of the kit for our female friends, something which cannot be said of those plunging v-necked tits over in Manchester.

On the other hand, one of the ways modern football really kicks you in the snout is how it builds up expectations. For example, you watch your club throughout the season, they win, lose and draw. It’s stressful, rewarding and depressing all at once. But come May, you can relax. They did it, the 38 game qualifier for the big one, you’re going back to Wembley, your knees have gone all trembly, it’s the Community Shield. For the winners it’s the season opener, for the losers, just another friendly. I don’t mind losing, but I do mind Arsenal. Chelsea looked so very blunt and, as one pundit put it, undercooked. Just another friendly, just another friendly.
Onto personnel changes at the club, I’ll be quick;

Pros:

The signing of Radamel Falcao cannot be underestimated, ignoring the fact he cut his magnificent hair, he looks very at home in Chelsea colours, stuffed away both his penalties and has a big point to prove to a lot of people. He can also operate up front in a pair which provides an actual alternative to Costa’s Royal Rumble approach to attacking football.
The continuing existence of Mikel; here he has demonstrated the sort of loyalty that only money can buy and ensured there is still a wealth of experience in every dressing room. It might not always seem like it, but clubs like Chelsea need players like Mikel. He is perhaps (definitely) not the most exciting midfielder to watch but rarely lets you down, and seems to have a likeable personality. Something that dressing room has lacked over the years.
He’ll be back. Easily the best thing about Didier Drogba leaving for second time is that it means he’ll come back for a third. Hopefully as a coach, because it did get a little tiresome last season – Didier’s best days were without doubt still going round the luggage carousel at Shanghai Airport – but the bullet header against De Gea was particularly delicious.

Cons:

The sale of Petr Cech to Arsenal was a massive shame, everyone knew he was unlikely to consider another season watching Courtois from the bench, loyalty can only go so far – although it must be said that Chelsea’s owner showed an unprecedented level of respect to big Pete and it was very refreshing to see. However, the unfortunate reality is that Arsenal have only added Cech to their ranks and are, for the first time in years, actual title rivals. I’m more than aware the Gunners are perhaps England’s leading club side in glorious failure but Cech is without doubt still one of the world’s best. Even with Arsenal’s nailed on defeats home and away to Swansea and tricky draws against West Brom, I’d much rather we’d given them Ross Turnbull while we still had the chance.
The continuing existence of Mikel.
Cudrado is very much still a thing and that’s bad. I just don’t understand what he’s even trying to do half the time. There was a time over the summer where it looked as if he would do the decent thing and leave but, alas, so far he still has a place in Chelsea’s squad. Last season’s other casualty was Felipe Luis, he, like Cole and Bertrand was a victim of Cesar Azpilicueta’s ambidexterity. It has been decided that a free kick against Derby in the League Cup just won’t do and his weird season-long loan has come to an end, leaving Chelsea with only brand new signing and Jazz sensation of the 50s, Baba Rahman, as reserve full back.

So that’s that. Personally I think Chelsea will retain the league, José will continue to be magnanimous in the most patronising way possible (at least he waits until the end of matches to shake people’s hands now, I suppose) and this may well have in fact been another summer well spent.