Everton Preview: Tottenham Hotspur (H)

After the madness that was deadline day and an international break, at last Premier League footy is back and we are back at Goodison where we face our fellow Wembley hating friends Spurs. Yes, if there’s one thing that we’ve had in common with them in recent years, it’s that we are both experts at shitting ourselves at Wembley. The only problem that Spurs have is that whilst we only appear there whenever Lady Luck pays a visit, they may have to face an entire season of it. They were unbeaten at White Hart Lane last season, only dropping 4 points out of a possible 57. This season though they’ve dropped 5 points already after just 2 home games having drawn with Burnley and lost 2-1 to Chelsea.

Source: evertonfc.com

However if there is a silver lining for them, it’s that it’s September. A new month means that the “hoodoo” or “curse” that Harry Kane suffers in August where he suddenly can’t hit a barn door even if it was wide open is over. He’s already back in form having scored twice for England last week against Malta. His first Premier League opponents of the month? Yep, us. Oh good. The media really did waste time over it didn’t they, having mass debates over Kane’s August difficulties, was it really a curse, or just merely one of those things? Well, if they think a monthly hoodoo is tough for Harry, try getting him to say “she sells sea-shells by the seashore”. It would trigger a tsunami off.

Anyway back to us. It’s likely that new signing Nikola Vlasic could feature at some point with Koeman calling him “one of the biggest talents in Europe”. If that’s the case I’m looking forward to seeing what he can offer. Ronald Koeman also stated, much to the disappointment of Rupert Murdoch’s empire of hacks I’m sure, that Wayne Rooney will play too following his drink drive arrest. The media turn into amateurish bores x10 whenever a story like this gets out, printing stories with headlines like “Wayne Rooney goes to training in midst of marriage crisis” – er no, more a case of footballer goes and does his job. Another one I saw from the Mirror the other day was “Wayne Rooney arrives at training with a beard and leaves clean shaven”. Wow, stop the press. Man attends to personal grooming. Incredible isn’t it, razors exist now in 2017. Clearly it passed the Mirror by. Their offices must be primitive hellholes in comparison then. Even more incredible though in terms of team news is that Oumar Niasse is back in the first team squad. Yes, the man who didn’t even get a locker last season is getting another chance. It turns out then that rhythm is a dancer, Niasse is the answer. He will score from anywhere…. Hopefully. In all seriousness though is Koeman being genuine, considering how he basically said publicly that he was useless, or is it a message to the board, “look what we’re left with”? He scored against Liverpool whilst at Hull so who knows? Good luck to him.

As for Spurs Fernando Llorente will assume his new place warming the bench for Mauricio Pochettino. Kieran Trippier is back from injury with Erik Lamela and Victor Wanyama missing out. Also, that greedy moaner Danny Rose will be out too. I know he apologised ages ago for it but imagine whining to The Sun about how you aren’t getting enough a week compared to other clubs in the Premier League? Behave. At least you’ll be playing in the Champions League, give it a rest. I’d give my right leg to even get the chance to watch Everton play in it, let alone have the opportunity to kick a ball in it at stadiums like the Bernabeu.

Jinxing pointless stat time now. We have won 10 out of our last 11 Premier League games at Goodison in 2017, with only Spurs boasting a better record in that time. Spurs have won their last 3 away matches in the league, with the last time they achieved 4 being in January 2014. You know what’ll happen now then. Another omen in the inevitability stakes is that Harry Kane is on 99 Spurs goals, so having pointed that out it’s almost certain he’ll reach the century at our expense. One stat that can’t be faulted is that Leighton Baines is all set to make his 300th league start for us, what a player he’s been over the years.

It’s all shaping up for another massive game for us again early in the season. If we can get a win against one of the top 4 contenders it’ll be a massive statement of how we have progressed. A defeat however would be an indication that our best of the rest status will be hard to shift. It doesn’t get any easier for us afterwards either, with a trip to Old Trafford to face our old mate Romelu coming up soon, not forgetting that an Italian job is sandwiched in between. Games are coming thick and fast now but if we’re to challenge on several fronts this season, it’s something that we have to deal with. A result against one of the title challengers will show that we’re on the right road. COYB.